For years, the Ridge Apartments has been infamous for it’s promiscuity and revelry. After several events of questionable morality, Clark declared, “Wo unto the inhabitants of the Ridge apartments, that great and spacious building, for except ye shall repent with sackcloth and ashes, ye shall be destroyed, even by fire. Repent ye, repent ye, for the day of judgment is at hand!”
This was the second prediction against an apartment complex that Clark has issued during his tenure as University President. The first condemned housing unit, Nineveh Apartments, was able to repent before it was destroyed. Authorities hope that the Ridge dwellers will do the same. Others are less optimistic.
“Too much has gone on in that complex. It needs to be cleansed by fire,” said Marine Biology student, Jonah Farnsworth.
“It’s a pattern we see throughout scriptural history, “said Brother Tom Mulek of the religion department. “A society chooses the path of decadence until they are destroyed, typically by fire or the sword. It is quite possible that the students in the Ridge apartments will be carried away captive to Rigby.”