President Cecil O. Samuelson of Brigham Young University announced in a press conference on Friday that starting in 2014, the university will officially be renamed Brigham Young University- Idaho: South Campus.
Samuelson said that the decision was made in an attempt to simulate the stronger feelings of goodwill, obedience, and moral superiority that exist in BYU’s sister school located in Rexburg, Idaho.
“BYU-Idaho doesn’t surpass us in academics, but there is something special there,” said Samuelson. “I mean, there has to be something special about that frozen tundra or nobody in their right mind would want to live there. We want BYU Idaho- South Campus to feel just like BYU-Idaho, with smaller class sizes, an expanded dress code, a stricter curfew, and that ambiguous sense of kinship they call the Spirit of Ricks. We think that these changes will create a more spiritual climate in Provo.”
Samuelson said that the administration has anticipated negative feedback from students, alumni, and others who will likely resent the banning of intercollegiate sports and stricter rules.
“People will always complain,” said Samuelson, “But once they understand why these changes are happening, they will stop trying to steady the arc, and will start trying to emulate the students at BYU-Idaho who may be inferior scholastically, but whose willingness to forgo flip lops distinguishes them as way more spiritual.”
BYU-Hawaii is expected to be renamed BYU-Idaho: Tropical Paradise in 2018.