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It is  common knowledge that those who do not find someone to date within the first two weeks of school will inevitably end up single for the rest of the semester. As the second week of the semester draws to a close, so does the opportunity for students to find a special someone to cuddle with during the frigid winter months.

Here is the Squirrel’s Top Ten Tips for Finding Someone to Date:

1) Hit on your roommate’s fiancee. Nothing is final until they both have rings.

2) Expand your social media outreach. Revamp your Myspace, use your Google+, and start publishing podcasts about interesting subjects like vaccinations and the European Union.

3) Whether you work out or not, post daily pictures of yourself in gym clothes with hashtags like #shouldaseenmebefore, #thosearereal and #youknowyouwantme.

4) Drop everything you’re doing this week and devote yourself to watching Netflix. That way you can catch all the references to popular shows that may or may not be brought up while talking to a potential spouse.

5) Remind attractive strangers about the promises you may have made to each other in the pre-mortal realm.

6) People are attracted to mystery. Wear a bag over your head at all times.

7) Show that you are spontaneous and fun by moonwalking across the stage at devotional.

8) Plan super creative dates like finger painting, scavenger hunts and Kiwi Loco.

9) Play hard to get by spending most of your time in trees at Porter Pork or on the roof of your apartment.

10) Transfer.

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