1) Sometimes resumes get lost in the workplace paper pile. Sidestep this problem by taping yours to a brick and throwing it through an employer’s home window.
2) Write your resume on something that can’t be ignored, like a streaker or a beached whale.
3) Employers value creativity. Cut your resume into a million pieces with numbers on the back. Instruct them to simply arrange the pieces in the correct numerical order.
4) It’s not what you know; it’s who you know. Make sure the employer believes you are close to Warren Buffet or another rich public figure. This trick works because a suspicious boss trying to do a fact-check will never be able to reach such a celebrity.
5) Prove that you are willing to sacrifice for a job. Attach one of your severed fingers.
6) Demonstrate how self-motivated you are by writing your resume in a language that you invented.
7) Glue your resume to a time bomb. The disarmament code is your phone number.
8) Show that you are well-rounded by including a list of ALL your skills, not just the ones related to the job, like your ability to communicate with the dead and play the harmonica.
9) Use attractive fonts like Comic Sans and Papyrus.
10) Attach a $20 bill and a note that says, “Our little secret ;)”