The first thing anyone needs to know before dating in Rexburg is that it is cold. No, not like I-think-I’ll-wear-a-jacket-today cold. It’s like Hoth-and-Siberia-had-a-baby-with-no-human-empathy cold.
The wintery climate affects everything in Rexburg, especially dating. With that in mind, here are 10 things you need to know about dating in Rexburg:
1) In the winter time (8-11 months), there is almost nothing to do.
Expect that the person you date will want to watch a lot of Netflix.
2) Netflix is good because it means you get to cuddle.
Close physical contact will forge a stronger emotional bond and help keep you both warm for another few minutes before the cold finally overtakes you…
3) Lack of restaurants can make your date hangry
Hope you like Costa Vida, because it’s either that or Wingers again. Try to be understanding if your date hangrily devours their food like some sort of savage animal. It’s not their fault. Good food is just scarce.
4) Ring Check
The art of the ring-check is the most useful skill a Rexburg dater can develop. There are a lot of married people around and you need to be certain about relationship statuses before asking someone out. For all you know, they could be married with kids.
5) Competition is inevitable
Every returned missionary in Rexburg is on the hunt for a wife who is good-looking, funny, talented and intelligent (in that order). Such marital zeal is bound to produce a healthy level of competition. Just don’t let it get violent.
6) Expect any activity to involve snow
Snow skis, snow machines, snowball fights, snow angels, snow cones, and the Eliza R. Snow Building all have one thing in common: Snow. Get used to it.
7) When/If the sun comes out, you have to enjoy it
An opportunity to sunbathe may only come around once a year. Live it up. But don’t bother the people who just want to lay out.
8) Nobody drinks alcohol
Alcohol is a no-no in Rexburg. Thank goodness for caffeine, right? Expect that the person you date might have a cola addiction.
9) There are youths everywhere!
The freshmen get younger every year and so it is important that you date within your proper age category.
10) You might be dating a polar bear
In a frozen tundra like Rexburg, it’s easy to mistake a polar bear for an aggressive, thick-coated, Coke-drinking, hangry, snow-loving human. Make sure you discover whether or not they are a polar bear before committing to marriage.